Stepping outside of my comfort zone and loving my body…regardless

I live in a cold climate.

So, as I have gained and lost weight over the last 6 months (see any of the previous posts with the word thyroid in the text), I have used the climate as an excuse for covering up and hiding. I’ve found myself becoming the queen of layering. Where I used to wear cropped, close fitting tops, my closet now hosts a veritable smorgasbord of long sweaters, shawls, etc. Trust me, if it covers my tummy, I have one.

Because I live in a cold climate and winter has stretched on from 5 to 6 to 7 months, it’s been pretty easy to pretend that I’m just cold and not just ashamed of my expanding physique. However, at home, the temperatures are beginning to climb and I am about to head south – and not South as in Kentucky, but Southwest as in Arizona. The highs are going to be in the 90s – every day.

I wonder how well that cold weather excuse is going to hold up?

Last night as I was packing my suitcase, I found myself trying on clothes and discarding, trying on clothes and discarding. The 4s simply don’t fit. Okay, that’s fair. But interestingly enough, some of the things that I had bought ages ago (and never had the courage to wear either because of the pattern, the color, the length, or the cut) looked pretty darned good. That is, for someone who is not ashamed of the fact that they have curves. For someone who is okay with her body and owns it.

In fact, a lot of these more form fitting clothes (curves and all) looked a heck of a lot better than some of those sweaters I’ve been shlepping around in all winter. Though, in all fairness, most days I really was cold!

So here’s the deal. I only packed clothes that I might not have the courage to wear in my home town. Why? To push myself. To not give me a choice in the matter.

But the bigger why is why won’t I wear these at home? I stand in front of the mirror and think, “I can’t wear that! That’s not me! I would never wear that!” But you know what? It’s less about what I look like in them objectively and what I think I should like, which is much more subjective.

Michael and I have made a deal that we will always look out for each other’s best interests and to trust that any criticism, comment, suggestion, or observation is in service of that goal. I trust him to help me outside of my comfort zone and to make sure that I don’t get too carried away in the process.

My suitcase looks like a paint bomb went off inside – it’s a literal explosion of bright colors, soft, smooth materials, and dresses. Lots and lots of dresses.

I figure that just like Vegas, whatever happens in Phoenix, stays in Phoenix. However, if being a girl – a girly girl who accepts and loves her body regardless is as much fun as I think it’s going to be…who knows what may happen.

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