Taking a Much Needed Reboot: Recommitting to Raw

A couple of months ago, everything was going along swimmingly.

I looked good (always important). I felt thin, strong, and sexy (which was surprising, but fun nonetheless).

I felt healthy and food was my friend.

Then I started being asked out to dinner, to weddings, attending conferences, etc.

I started with some cooked food here and a little meat there. I had a couple of glasses of wine at a friend’s house. Then a couple of sips somewhere else.

I had some gluten-free cake at a wedding, then I had some more at a restaurant a few weeks later.

I started noshing on tabouli with cooked quinoa….heck, I even posted a recipe last week, where the main ingredient (black beans) were, you guessed it, cooked.

And underlying all of this was sugar and fat cravings that would not stop. I mean, constant. Not a day passed that you didn’t find me eating straight out of the peanut butter jar.

When you look at all this stuff, you might be thinking – tabouli and black bean and corn salad? Gluten free cake? Peanut butter? How bad is that?

Well, in my case, it reminded me just how slippery even the slightest slope can be.

Then, night before last, I totally freaked out – binged on tahini, seed bread, homemade chocolate, mulberries, etc. Seriously, if wasn’t nailed down or meowing it was in my mouth!

When it was over, I fell asleep in my partner’s arms, crying. Scared and frustrated because somehow I had fallen off my healthy path and it seemed, in that dark hour, that getting up was going to require heck of a lot more effort, energy, and willpower than I currently had at my disposal.

The next morning (yesterday) I recommitted to raw. 100% for one week (give or take a couple of percents, since I’m too lazy to make my own almond milk)!

And the only allowable snacks: chia seeds (in the form of a pudding or shake), fresh veggies, or raw fermented veggies.

Feeling pretty confident, I got to work with my homemade seed bread, avocado, raw fermented kimchi, and chia pudding, only to find that my office was holding a BBQ for our majors who were taking summer courses: pulled pork, ribs, chicken, cornbread with bacon, coleslaw (which was the only thing on the table that was not at all tempting), cookies, crack brownies, and dark chocolate.

I literally thought I was going to die.

The smell – or rather, the aroma – was overwhelming.

I doubt that I’ve ever written about it here, but I love BBQ. I think it must have something to do with growing up in the south. Importantly, the smell and taste of BBQ is not only tied up with my memories of home, but also of my recently departed grandparents.

I literally had to leave the room, go into the women’s bathroom and call Michael J for a little support on this one. I then went outside and took a much needed deep breath – not only to clear my nostrils, but also my mind.

I decided that if I still wanted it tomorrow (today), after it had been sitting in the fridge and all of the succulent juices had congealed into white blobs of animal fat, I could have it. But I had to eat it cold.

It’s amazing how much that image cooled the appetite.

And, fortunately, just as I was kicking myself for not bringing crunch veggies to munch on during this near reboot fiasco, one of my colleagues showed up with a pint of golden cherry/grape tomatoes. (I think I pretty much at the whole pint, give or take a few).

Focusing on the clean, crisp tanginess of the water based tomatoes and really dialing into the conversations around me, I made it out with my integrity and my waistline in tact.

And, if you’re wondering, I decided to work at home today – just in case the cold white blobs of fat decorating the pulled pork isn’t quite as off-putting in real life as they are in my imagination.

Maybe I should offer to cater the next student event; because after years of attending these things, I’ve noticed that the students, many of whom are athletes, are much less likely to make pigs of themselves – no pun intended – than the much more sedentary faculty and staff who are in charge of ordering the food!

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1 comment so far

  1. […] August 25, 2010 Filed under: cooking, food, gluten-free, raw food, recipes | Since part of my reboot involves in drastically limiting the almond and nut butters that cross these lips, I decided that I […]


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