Sometimes showing up really is the hardest part!

I spent four hours yesterday trying to convince myself to go the gym. And failed.

I actually started over there a couple of times, but every time I did, something more important came up (like playing yet another game of the New Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook). I won’t provide a link, because I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s downfall!

When I realized that I was never going to knock my mother off the board (and having received not one, but two notices that I had played 20 games in a row), I decided that enough was enough. I was going to go to the gym. I got so far as picking up my bag when the justifications started.

“There are people with swine flu at the gym. If you go to the gym, you’re going to get swine flu!” (A stretch, I know, but it held me at bay for at least 20 more games, er, I mean minutes).

“But my leg feels so good after yoga this morning. Do I really want to mess it up by going to the gym?”

And then, on my way to the gym: “I forgot my heart rate monitor!”

Taking a deep breath I forgave myself for being a baby and accepted that fact that I really didn’t want to go to the gym – or so I thought.

The reason why I am telling you this story is twofold. The first is simply to get those of my friends who think I am a total exercise junkie off my back! 😉 The second, is to let you know that when you really don’t want to do something, it’s okay not to do it.

Okay, maybe it’s threefold, because I realized – once I was miles away from the gym – that I had hit an internal wall of resistance. And with temporal and spatial hindsight, I realized that everything I had tried to accomplish yesterday was stymied.

Does anyone ever really need to play 60 straight games of Bejeweled Blitz? No, not ever. Did I? Oh, yes. And maybe then some. And did I at least knock my mother off the board? Not even close.

So what was going on?

I had a lot of emotional anxiety about a couple of things going on in my life and, like I used to do more often than I do now, I dealt with it (or not) in my choices about food and exercise. As it turned out, I didn’t exercise at home either; I simply ate Chocolate Velvet So Delicious straight out of the carton just minutes after telling MJ to leave me alone for an hour because I “wanted to exercise.” Ironically, I did want to exercise; I just couldn’t make myself do it.

My subconscious mind was definitely in control yesterday and it drove all of my good intentions and so-called will power right off the cliff!

Last night before bed, I went up early and did a little 15 minute meditation program to promote clarity, before crashing into troubled, integrating dreams.

This morning, without giving it too much thought, I rolled out of bed and hit the yoga mat. Then, without changing clothes, I packed my gym bag full of work clothes and drove straight to the gym.

I had a great workout. It was fabulous. It reminded me why I like going to the gym.

Morals of the story:

1) If you just can’t do it, forgive yourself and let it go. Don’t beat yourself up, which will inevitably invite you to overeat or eat something that takes you further away from your health related goals.

2) When you’re having an off day (before it turns into an off week or even an off month) ask yourself what’s really going on. Is there something going on in your life that you’re using as an excuse to not show up? If so, is it something you can change or is it just something you need to let go? Or were you really just tired and didn’t want to go to the gym?

3) Get a good night sleep and do whatever it takes to get up and show up.

In my case, there was no way that I was going to sit in my office all day in my sweaty yoga clothes and even though I could have just taken a shower at the gym and gone to work, that really would have been ridiculous. Even more ridiculous than playing 60+ games of Bejewled Blitz!

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