Talking Myself Back Down From the Edge (or at least from a chocolate croissant)!

Today was interesting. Today I realized why I am writing a blog. At first I thought it was just public accountability (assuming anyone’s reading). Second I thought it might give me a creative outlet so that I’m not always rattling on to Michael about nutrition, exercise, and weight loss. Today, however, I realized that I am writing a blog to remind myself of what I know is true.

While I was crewing a Tony Robbins event in New Jersey in March, I struck up a conversation with this gorgeous woman who just happened to be a weight loss coach. She gave me some free advice on how to lose ten pounds and told me to call her (in six weeks) when I’d done it. I have more to say about her and our conversation in future posts. Feeling a little skeptical (but hopeful, as she certainly looked like she knew what she was talking about), I wrote it down word for word. I even drew a little chart. I shared it with Michael. I shared it with a couple of close friends. That was March 18.

Today, after teaching a spinning class, I stepped on the scale and realized that in less than a month, following this woman’s advice to the best of my ability, I have dropped 9.6 pounds. It hasn’t even been four weeks! And these are technically 9.6 pounds of the “hardest” ones to lose!

Unfortunately for me, the number that I saw on the scale this morning just happens to be the one that in the past has always been a stumbling block. And this time was no exception. Immediately I started thinking about new blog post titles: This is Where the Rubber Hits the Road. Or thinking, ‘Wow! This is going to be a really short-lived blog! Bummer.’ I also started thinking about all of the other times that I got to this number and promptly put on 5 pounds (it’s happened at least twice before, why would this be different?) I started wondering if I was too skinny, ignoring the fact that I thought I looked great yesterday, before I stepped on the scale.

If I were going to be analytical about this situation, I would have to say that this particular number is a trigger for me and, like Pavlov’s dogs who always salivated whenever the bell rang, I started running my old patterns–you know the ones. The ones that we all have that, for whatever reason, work against us, rather than for us. If you don’t think you’ve ever been triggered by anything, you’re wrong. So, when you’ve been triggered and you didn’t know it, some of the key signs are that 1) your breathing gets more shallow, 2) your thoughts get louder and faster, and 3) your thoughts start repeating themselves. And we can get triggered in any domain in our lives–work, relationships, friendships, holidays, Mondays…. You name it, you can get triggered by it. The trick is to notice when you’re triggered before you do something you regret (like quit your job, walk out on a lover, or, my personal favorite, go to Dirt Cowboy and get a chocolate croissant).

So, in the middle of my triggered state, the thing that pulled me out of it was that random thought about my blog. And when I thought about my blog, I remembered why I started in the first place. I also remembered that these two pounds are not going to be any more difficult than the last 9.6. I remembered that I don’t need to change my behavior. I don’t need to eat less. I don’t need to exercise more or at a breakneck speed that might lead to injury or binge eating. I don’t need to do any of the things that will set me up for failure. And now that I have recognized that, I won’t.

What I am going to do instead is stick to the plan. I am also going to enjoy every healthy, nutritious, and delicious bite. And, assuming I can find her address, I may send that weight loss coach a big bouquet of flowers!

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3 comments so far

  1. Bronwyn on

    “Today I realized why I am writing a blog. At first I thought it was just public accountability (assuming anyone’s reading).”

    (Hey KJ!!!–hand waiving feverishly) I’m reading, and fascinated! I found you through another blog, and am having the best time going back through your archives. I just had to stop and write. I love your writing voice, and your attitude. I have “released” 130 lbs., and am struggling to keep it off and lose 40 lbs. more. It so helps to read blogs like yours, and I’m so glad to find you! Thank you for sharing with us. OK– back to reading….

    • KJ on

      130?! Congratulations, Bronwyn! And thanks so much for letting me know that you’re out there! Best of luck in keeping your momentum strong!

  2. […] eat junk, I stress eat, and I’d love to be able to run five miles or do a single pull up. The reason I started this blog was to chronicle my ups and downs and to share my thoughts and reflections on […]


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